Under
a completely different pretext from intended, the above quote truly describes
my disposition right now. Let me bring you to light. Today is the morning of
the 4th of June, 2013-two days after my JEE advance was over. For good and forevermore!
I can’t even begin to describe the agony, the tension, the pain, the exhaustion,
the hopelessness that I have been through for two years because of this
exam-and for no good reason either. (Oh wait-i have been doing that for quite
some time.... on my blog.)
But this post is not about the sadness. This post is about the half filled
glass, not about the half empty one. The past two years have changed me
and my life in an unconceivable way.
Two
days before JEE advance unfortunately and stupidly I ate some food due to which
I fell ill.
Although I had no hopes from the exam from the beginning but the
illness just made me surer. Somehow, on the morning of 2nd June I dragged my
ass in the exam hall with no wish whatsoever to attempt even one question.
Instead of doing something so half-heartedly I thought I would rather not give
the exam at all. But I gave it nonetheless. And it was not because I thought
that perhaps luck could befall me and I’d know the answer to all the questions
in the paper-slum dog millionaire style. It was because I wanted to finish what
I started. Otherwise I would not get to enjoy the peace of mind that I had been
craving for. As it sounds by my comments my JEE advance did not go well at all
and I have no expectations from it at all. I did not even bother to check the
solutions-i was so far pissed.
Yeah,
yeah-comming to the non-depressing part. However, I am not sad or dissatisfied
or bitter at all-at myself or anyone else. Surprisingly I am really happy. I know
it my first post I wrote I have no clue where my choices would take me. But now
I am glad that I took Science with PCM and decided to pursue engineering.
Over
the past two years even if I could not learn enough of PCM, I have learnt a lot
about well-life! The two
years were like a revolutionary stimulus, molding me, preparing me for what
lies ahead-both good and bad. I thought that if I could go back in time and
change my choice I defiantly would. But now that I am here, so far ahead, I don’t
really want to change any of it. It’s perfect as it is.
Earlier to me engineering was only a boring desk-time job. But
now, suddenly, computer engineering seems really interesting. Now I do not want
to do anything but that. I want to
do it now.
Plus,
even though I failed Advance miserably, I think if I had not become a zombie or
if I had not worked as hard as I did or if I had not joined my ruthless
coaching I would not have archived what I have. And in my opinion-i have
achieved a lot. Not just medals or percentage or the prospectus of a good
college (since I have qualified all other exams with good ranks besides IIT) but
because I feel evolved. I feel surer of what I want from life. And it is not
cruel success. In fact, the only think I want from life is to follow my dreams,
to live, to enjoy. This is a very important lesson I learnt from trying to do
something I was not much into. But it turned out into a boon anyway. And I will
never let go of it.
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