If you are going to fail, then fail gloriously

              About 14 lakh students gave JEE main out of which 1.5 lakh qualified. Out  of those 1.5 lakh only 1.26 were confident enough to appear for JEE advance. Out of those 1.26 lakh only 15,000 students qualified advance. Out of those 15,000 only  9546 seats are available in the IITs, inclusive of the reserved  seats.

               I am not trying to give you the statistical toughness of an exam as competitive as the JEE.

I am not trying to prove how intelligent and fortunate those are who do qualify the exam. Neither am I trying to warn you against the demanding and arduous nature of the exam.

      What I am trying to tell you are  the number of dreams that are crushed and smashed for the sake of this exam i.e.99.7% .

          Granted that out of those 14 lakh students about 4-5 lakh students are fluke (Not very serious about the exam) but the remainder is still a huge number.

   And honestly, I cant even begin to describe what  such kind of failure does to students.

                          As for me, I did prepare for the exam diligently  and worked hard but at a certain level of subconscious  I always knew it was not what  I wanted.  For a long time I struggled to compete and crack JEE, thinking, making myself believe that it was my holy grail. However, along the way I realized that my preparation was not up to the level of JEE. But I was never ready to give up and I continued the fracas. I gave the exams because I had worked so hard to prepare for them but I was mentally prepared not to expect anything. And as it happens I was not at all affected by my JEE advance results. I should have felt bad, cried, cursed my luck but then, none of the things happened to me. Maybe because it was never really what I wanted or maybe because by that time I had already surrendered. However,  I know now that not every failure is a defeat, and not every success a victory. I found a certain triumph in my failure, probably that’s why the botch did not smother my confidence to ashes.

         I took the fall in a positive way. I learnt a lot because of my experience in the past two years, even if  I did not get what I had set out for, life took its turn and gave me more than I could have ever asked for.

      This is what happened to me and how I took my falling. But there are more people.

          I know three people for whom IIT was a golden pinnacle and who could see nothing below it. They did work hard for it too. They did give other exams like VITEE, SRMEE, Manipal, BITSAT too. But JEE did not work out for them. At present two of them have decided to pursue B.Sc while the third is still debating whether to opt for B.Sc or get into another college for B.tech or drop a year.

 Out of the former two, one of them has opted for Maths hons. In DU with contentment. She  agrees that JEE or B.Tech was just not her cup of tea. She was definitely disheartened at first, but she did not let the fall stop her and found a new way to define herself. 

         The second person however, did not have much cheerfulness as compared to his dejection.  He felt that he could not meet the expectations of his parents and instead of trying, taking admission in other good colleges, he completely resigned. In a fit of misery he decided to go for a B.Sc course in a local college that would not have much value. I was shocked to hear of this because he has been one of the most ambitious people I knew. I felt it was a waste of talent, but he would not heed to my advice.

        The third person is amidst a tumultuous state of confusion right now. Since plans never go as planned, she is still hanging from the cliff. Even though by each passing day, the pain increases tremendously but she won't let go. And personally, I like that about her. A kind of perseverance despite the perpetual aspect of hopelessness.

       And that is what this post is about-failing gloriously.

                     It is not about how you fail, but what you turn your failure into that matters-a lesson, an experience or even a victory.

        I know several people who have decided to drop the year. Personally, I could never imagine dropping another year after two years of hell. I think the one's who should drop are those who did not prepare for IIT as such during 11th and 12th but want to do it. OR those who want nothing but IIT. But those who have worked for 2 years, joined a coaching and already spent a lot of money on it-dropping is a huge risk. But that's just my personal opinion.

        However despite the optimism, the back-up plans  or other good things working out,  there is still a scar that remains-the scar that you tried something and failed. If anything, it does blow up your ego. It is something that you will have to live with the rest of your life-you tried and failed at something.
          But the scar can heal, and it all depends on your attitude. In the words of Rudyard Kipling

"

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

….

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,"

Books- To use or not to use?

              This article is about Which books to study from for IIT-JEE.
When I started off I searched for a lot of books suggestions..online offline..and here is the list that you might find, in general (besides NCERT):
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed about these books are personal and do not intend to defame any book, author or publication. The sole purpose of this post is to help the students find what they need. for IIT JEE preparations. There a thousands of really good books to chose from. At the same time students are also mislead into buying expensive books. It is a matter of their future. Books are important.

Clicking on the name of the book will take you to a website where you can see and buy the books.

Chemistry

• PHYSICAL CHEMISTRY:

1. R.C. mukherjee: This book is good for numerical. It has a short summary of each chapter in the beginning and covers all important aspects of a chapter. It has a lot of solved examples. The unsolved subjective questions are more or less similar to the solved examples. So you really do not need to do the unsolved ones. Objective type questions are good. This book is good but personally i think the next one (P. Bahadur) is better. However, if you are short of time, and need a crux of the chapter in little time you can use this instead of P. Bahadur. P. Bahadur is extensive and in great detail.
2. P. Bahadur: This is the best book for physical chemistry. It has a short summary of each chapter in the beginning and A LOT of solved examples, which i think, cover any and all possible concepts chapter wise. Even if you missed your teachers lectures on a particular topic, you can still understand the topic if you do the solved examples of this book. The unsolved examples are also VERY good. The only thing is that the book is huge. You can only do the topics completely if you have enough time. Plus its expensive, so do not waste your money if you cant give so much time. RC mukherjee is better in this context.
                  

• INORGANIC CHEMISTRY:

1. NCERT: A lot of people actually suggest that NCERT is good enough for inorganic chemistry in the competitive exams. However, in my opinion it is not sufficient at all. The problem with inorganic is that its extensive and weird questions can be asked from anywhere. In the end you can either Know or NOT know the answer to an inorganic question. There is no mental ability involved in it except memorization. In my opinion, the best way to study inorganic and not leave out majority of the stuff is through the syllabus that various exams provide. Go through even the minutest topic listed very carefully. Search it up if you dont know about it. Make a compilation of your own inorganic notes this way.
2. Nootan Chemistry class 12:   ( and 11 also) I know how much ISC students DREAD this book. It has too much material, which is definitely not required for your boards. However, there is a perk of this book for us JEE students. The inorganic portion of this book is awesome. I think it comprehensively covers all topics in great detail. It has two different sections- first it deals with the physical properties of each group in the periodic table, then chemical properties and finally it deals with specific compounds. The only fault with this book is that certain topics which are not in ISC syllabus are not there-like hydrogen. Also, it does not have qualitative analysis. I will not suggest a non-ISC student to buy this expensive book just for inorganic but those of you who are in ISC-do not let the big book go waste.
3. J D Lee:  I have seen a lot of people recommend this book. Do not waste your time by buying this book. It is a great book no doubt but it is not meant for +2 level. Its for higher studies. Plus, it has A LOT of stuff on inorganic. You cant know what to study and what not to.I bought this book and it was of no use whatsoever.

• ORGANIC CHEMISTRY

1. Solomons Organic Chemistry international student version  Or Solomans organic chemistry JEE version :  I did not know about this for a long time that there were two types of Solomons-and one of them was specifically for IIT JEE. The solomon that I had was not particularly for JEE but the international one. In my opinion the book was good but not at all meant for those who were trying for JEE. It was because I found that it did not have a lot of important reactions in it that we had even in our school books. The explanations for some of the stuff were good but never adequate. There were exercises at the end but without solutions. And i never found the solutions online either. Hence, in the end this books was of no use to me. I could never get a hold of the JEE version of this book, so i cant say that that book is the same. It could be better but from what i have heard it is the same story there too. Solomon is expensive, and it was of no use to me and a waste of money. The shocking thing is a lot of people recommend this book.  I don't know why!
2. Borrison and Moyd:  If you have to chose between solomon and this, go for solomon. This book is meant for university level. No use for us. If you take it for the exercises at the back-warning: they dont have solutions.
3. Arihant organic Chemistry: Well frankly after buying an expensive Solomon, i couldn't buy another expensive book, so i have never used this book but i am pretty sure its good.  My organic chemistry was good because i watched a lot of online videos and my coaching material was also really good.

PHYSICS:

1. H.C. Verma Volume 1 and 2:  I think H.C.V. is an absolute must if you are preparing for IIT. It helps develop concepts and is actually good. When I used to do HCV I thought that it was simply too easy, and JEE was tougher than the level of questions here. But i was wrong because i think this book actually helps develop concepts. The only drawback of this book it that it has subjective questions only. No questions based on JEE pattern. Thus this books is definitely a must, but at the same time not sufficient.
2. I.E. Irodov: I think this book is very very very good for physics lovers and those who like a challenge. But if you are into JEE and IIT? Please do not waste your time.  I will not say that this books is not worth doing. It is. But the level of questions in certainly very high. A lot higher than your JEE. For normal students, doing this book can scare them from physics too.
   You can try this book, once your core concepts in physics reach wonders. But if you are someone weak in physics-then stick to the basic books.
3. Resnick and Halliday: This book has a lot of theoretical content, which is good. Again the problem is that the exercises don't have solutions. Neither can be found online. As for me, i never used this book because i found the theory in my normal school book the same as resnick and halliday. Plus, i used a lot of material from my coaching. But if you are someone without means to study physics and are looking for a good book- this is it.
4. DC pandey: So this link does not take you to the DC pandey i had. I guess they have upgraded it, and now DC pandey's are coming out in parts, one for every topic. The one i had had all topics in one book. I think this book has good questions on JEE pattern. The books that i have mentioned above do not deal with JEE pattern and have only subjective questions. I think you could try this, or in other case i recommend you look for books that are on JEE pattern.

Mathematics:

1. Arihant: This book has a LOT of questions. Good questions on JEE pattern but A LOT. No human can possibly complete this book. But its worth it. This book does not have theory. Only questions. But you can find almost any type of questions here.
2. R.D. Sharma:  I never had this book. But from what i hear Arihant has better coverage. R D sharma is actually a good book for boards. Like ML Agarwal. Its not up to the JEE level as such.
3. M L Khanna: This book is like Arihant. You can buy either. Again, i never had this book so i cant say much. But it is good.
4. Note: So about maths, i am sorry i can not be of much help in the books sections because i used the my coaching material mostly. I did not buy separate books for calculus or integerations or such. Fortunately my teacher was good, so he gave us a lot of question and all.

Few More Books that could come handy:

• Past year paper: Past years papers are a must. (for both JEE advance and AIEEE papers for mains) Although, you really don't need to do them as papers, not all of them. Till the year 2005, you must attempt the past year papers properly. However, beyond 2005 (like 2004, 2003 etc) the pattern is different, there are subjective questions also. Thus you can do them as an exercise. Not necessarily as a paper. It happened so that in my coaching they gave us a book, which had topic wise questions from all past year papers. That is how i solved them, but it is wrong. If i had solved the entire paper, not just topic wise i think my preparation would be better.
• Model Test papers you do not necessarily have to buy these, but any set of model papers from a reliable source will help you.
•  Books for other exams like BITSAT etc. In my opinion if you have prepared properly from the above, you won't need extra help, yet here is a link that has suggestions of books for BITSAT:
  BITSAT books

Now a short note from me: Now if you come across books that are not in my list. There are two type of books-one that have questions, questions and only questions. The other one with theory and questions. Depends on what you are looking for: You want practice or you want to learn a topic. Chose a books accordingly. And chose books that have questions on JEE pattern.

Why am i writing this blog?

      When I started writing this blog, truthfully it was because I was bored. What's more I though no one will read it, or in the rare case-a complete stranger. It’s not like I did not like to share my problems with my friends and family and I also tried to explain my situation to them. But they could not understand. They tried but it as not their fault because unless you have been through something like this you can not utterly realize the wretchedness.  

           But eventually this blog became less of a medium to voice out my frustration. I did expel the entire nuisance that was troubling my brain but at the same time I wanted it to be a guide for others. I did not want THIS to happen to anyone else. I wanted to help the diligent students out there, who are perhaps as LOST as I am. Although, what are my chances of finding a serious student reading blogs? Nada. Even I never got into these activities during the two previous years. Yeah, only towards the end.

                    Nonetheless, its just an effort and I hope that I end up helping atleast one LOST out there. ;)

I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free. - Nikos Kazantzakis

               Under a completely different pretext from intended, the above quote truly describes my disposition right now. Let me bring you to light. Today is the morning of the 4th of June, 2013-two days after my JEE advance was over. For good and forevermore!

               I can’t even begin to describe the agony, the tension, the pain, the exhaustion, the hopelessness that I have been through for two years because of this exam-and for no good reason either. (Oh wait-i have been doing that for quite some time.... on my blog.)

            But this post is not about the sadness. This post is about the half filled glass, not about the half empty one. The past two years have changed me and my life in an unconceivable way.

          Two days before JEE advance unfortunately and stupidly I ate some food due to which I fell ill.

Although I had no hopes from the exam from the beginning but the illness just made me surer. Somehow, on the morning of 2nd June I dragged my ass in the exam hall with no wish whatsoever to attempt even one question. Instead of doing something so half-heartedly I thought I would rather not give the exam at all. But I gave it nonetheless. And it was not because I thought that perhaps luck could befall me and I’d know the answer to all the questions in the paper-slum dog millionaire style. It was because I wanted to finish what I started. Otherwise I would not get to enjoy the peace of mind that I had been craving for. As it sounds by my comments my JEE advance did not go well at all and I have no expectations from it at all. I did not even bother to check the solutions-i was so far pissed.

          Yeah, yeah-comming to the non-depressing part. However, I am not sad or dissatisfied or bitter at all-at myself or anyone else. Surprisingly I am really happy. I know it my first post I wrote I have no clue where my choices would take me. But now I am glad that I took Science with PCM and decided to pursue engineering.

           Over the past two years even if I could not learn enough of PCM, I have learnt a lot about well-life! The two years were like a revolutionary stimulus, molding me, preparing me for what lies ahead-both good and bad. I thought that if I could go back in time and change my choice I defiantly would. But now that I am here, so far ahead, I don’t really want to change any of it. It’s perfect as it is.

Earlier to me engineering was only a boring desk-time job. But now, suddenly, computer engineering seems really interesting. Now I do not want to do anything but that. I want to do it now.

           Plus, even though I failed Advance miserably, I think if I had not become a zombie or if I had not worked as hard as I did or if I had not joined my ruthless coaching I would not have archived what I have. And in my opinion-i have achieved a lot. Not just medals or percentage or the prospectus of a good college (since I have qualified all other exams with good ranks besides IIT) but because I feel evolved. I feel surer of what I want from life. And it is not cruel success. In fact, the only think I want from life is to follow my dreams, to live, to enjoy. This is a very important lesson I learnt from trying to do something I was not much into. But it turned out into a boon anyway. And I will never let go of it.

What i did before my JEE mains

            So, for the time I will cut-off from what happened in last two years of my life, and talk about what is happening now.

     I’ll start from the scratch-January 2013.

Having spend the past two years ignoring my BOARDS, I decided to improve this area during my school pre-boards. With or without the pattern changing, it was really important that my boards go well. Firstly because if I didn’t do well in the competitions neither in boards-I would be left with nothing. Secondly, because i had applied to some universities abroad and their admission criteria was a fair board basis. So I had to perform well atleast there and I studied properly for them during pre-boards. My pre-board result was pretty awesome too.

         Right after pre-boards, I began with my JEE preparations. We had about a month and half before Boards begin. During this break I decided to work on my physics-which was the worst of all of my three subjects, and a little bit of chemistry. I worked properly for about a month, then I got a little tired and took a few days break. Then I came back to books. During this time, I did a lot of physics and I was confident that I had improved it.

            Then began boards. We had quite a gap between successive subject exams, sometimes even 9 days. I decided to use the time to study for JEE along with boards. However, this plan failed drastically. Somehow, when I studied for my JEE I could not help but feel that I will not be able to complete my board syllabus and I need time for boards, I couldn’t ignore them. Thoughts like these produced an overall nullifying effect and I could not study for JEE successfully. In the middle, I decided to quit and focus on boards the while.

           After boards were over we had about 2 weeks left for mains. I was scared and miserable. I knew it was almost impossible to study the entire syllabus within that frame of time.

        Now, here I would like to talk about PREPARATION.  Now I realize this fact after giving so many exams but previously I had no idea. I admit that my preparation was not up to the mark at this point. I have come to believe that you need to develop a certain threshold level. What I mean by that is you need to have a certain level of aptitude in all three subjects where you can answer questions without any prior preparation. Then you can strengthen your threshold level and score better. At the beginning of the first week I had no threshold level in physics or chemistry. Thankfully, my math’s had ever since been awesome and I can say that my threshold level in mathematics was above average. But physics? Everything that I had done in January was a blank. There were topics in physics that I had no recollected about-what was what. No, I did not even remember the basics formula’s. But honestly, I don’t blame myself for this because I had worked hard on this subject. I was misguided in this subject-that’s all.

And Chemistry? The situation was alike, only slightly better.

             My coaching conducted a mock exam, and I knew I did very badly on the test. Not only because I was not prepared but also because the test was difficult beyond the level of mains and not on the pattern either.

                     When this realization dawned upon me I fell into depression for two entire days and wasted the already short time that I had. I wished I had chosen a different date for mains-not one right after boards so that I had more time to prepare.  I went into depression, cried, sulked, and also threw a tantrum at home declaring life was vain. Honestly, I had never thrown a tantrum before-ever. This was the first time and I was socked. But like I said, I did not believe in giving up. So not the third day I picked up the books with a heavy heart.

       At this time, I did the intelligent thing-I studied smartly or there was no hope for me. I scrutinized the past 10 year AIEEE papers and studied according to them.I did not give my coaching mock exams any more because they were unreasonably tough. I would do one paper daily and revised certain topics. This continued until I became satisfied with my progress, in fact happy too. My score was increasing.

            However I was also making a fatal mistake, for which I paid profoundly during mains.  Advice- if you are preparing for AIEEE then you can do the questions of paper before 2005 but do not do them as papers because the pattern is very different. The questions in these papers are easier and pattern unlike. When I started doing AIEEE paper I started with 2012, 2011, 2010 and so on. Towards the end I did the pre-2005 papers and scored brilliantly which gave a me pseudo notion that I was well prepared. Not that I was not prepared but not as well as I thought.

              Two days before mains, I was mentally exhausted. I was so crammed that I could not even force myself to study. Thus, I stopped studying during the last two days.

    I was happy with what I had done in the past weeks. The night before mains I slept peacefully, aware that it will go well.

            The next morning when I was giving my mains paper- in fact during the test itself I knew my paper has not gone as awesome as I thought. But I knew that I had done well enough to qualify to advance. Despite working so much on physics, it went pathetic. Chemistry and Maths were fine.

         Regardless, when mains ended despite knowing that it had gone bad I was not sad at all. Why? Not because I felt I had given my 100% and all that crap (because I had not.) But because it was over for good. I had been studying since December 2012 continuously. I need, I wanted a break and respite for all this. I was overjoyed when my mains finished on 7^th April, 2013.
That is, in short, what i did and how i did my mains. I am not proud of it because i could have done better.

Zombie mode.

                  Well, the thing is this entire coaching set-up was very different from usual and nothing like in previous classes. First, you spend six hours at school, return home, choke the food down your throat in an attempt to reach your coaching on time, reach there, spend four bloody hours trying to understand the teacher, reach back home late at night, dead tired and dead hungry, eat food, and if you still have the energy and perseverance left-study. This schedule was exhausting. And it had been my initial schedule and till the end i tried to keep it this way, with some successful and some unsuccessful attempts.

                       This schedule is traumatizing, rigorous and appalling. There is no respite, no chance to take a break from books. In effect, you are always running behind schedule, behind class, behind what is being taught.

          Our teachers always advised us to follow a simple method. After coaching days-go back home and simply revise the topics taught in class. The next day, when you don’t have a class do further questions. (As I might have mentioned earlier, I joined a classroom program, one that goes with school. According to this, you have four hours of coaching every alternate day.)  I know it sounds simple and feasible too. But practically it is not. Especially in case if our batch. Because instead of having coaching on alternate days, on MWF, we had slight improvisation and had classes on MWTF. Four days a week. (So that we could catch up to the earlier batches, with the syllabus.) Like I told you, I had to face the repercussions of joining a late batch, and this was it.

               However, we were not informed of this minute but really important improvisation when we signed up for a late batch. Had I known this would happen, I would have joined sooner. It exhausted us even more. And in my honest opinion, with school and coaching, the Tuesday that we did get off-went in sleeping and taking out the tiredness. 

              If on one of the days, you did get energized and studied, there was no telling you would do the same the next day. And once you are doing a topic, you need continuity. As a result, whatever little bit you did study was washed off and you had to re-study it all over again. And by re-studying I don’t mean revising. I imply that this was a waste of time and energy.

                  The only effective study that was possible was during weekends.

        Only, in my case, I tried to follow my teacher’s advice and exerted myself. Thus, my friends began to call me zombie. After coming back from coaching, I used to take a break for an hour while I ate food. Then, I sat to study and I studied till 3 or 4 O’ clock in the morning. Knowing well, that next day I had to wake up at 6 am for school. At times, I pulled all-nighters and never even slept before going to school.  After coming back from school, except on Tuesdays, I had coaching, where I’d try to focus all my attention towards the blackboard despite my drowsiness. And trust me, this is not just my tale. It happened with a lot of kids with my class.

                   I began to grow thinner, and gradually became skeleton thin. There were dark circles under the eyes, and an overall Zombie look.

          All this pain and agony was not without results because I did excellently in the studies at coaching. But was it worth it? I began to wonder. My teachers often thought, after looking at my face, that she is depressed, sad and so on because of studies and books. Little did they know that it had nothing to do with books! I was sad, all right, but not due to academic reasons since I was doing well. I was sad because I was loosing the balance in my life. I did not want to look like a zombie!

       Sixteen-seventeen these years are the peak of hormonal changes in teenagers, and they show in different ways. The sort of person you will become in the future is greatly affected by stuff in this time.

          I always had a theory of balance in life, and it always worked for me. I believed that no matter what you do- a 24X7 job, studies, leisure you should always maintain a balance. A lot of people say that you just have to work for two years, then you will get selected in a good college, and you will not have to go through with this anymore. But they are wrong. So! So! Wrong!

          When you get in a college you will have to work to keep up your GP or whatever they call it. You will have to work to get a good placement. And when you do get the alleged high package job, you have to work your ass off in the initial years to reach anywhere.

          I am not saying that every aspect of life is bad. I’m saying that you will have to work and exert yourself in all stages of your life. The only solution or remedy to this is: maintaining a balance.

            

          Studies have shown that a lot of academically brilliant kids do not fare well later in life. It not because they are not good anymore, but it is because by the time they reach where the must, their entire energy is sucked up. No zest. No enthusiasm is left.

               Honestly till the end of these two years, i could never re-establish my balance until my coaching was finally over.

               But it does not have to be this way for any other kid. In these two years, you should know your priority-which is books. But it does not mean you must not have fun. Neither do you have to be as extreme as me.It is  possible to clear JEE and it is also possible to maintain a proper balance. You have got to decide how badly you want to get into IIT. For me? the cost was a little too much. Not that i gave up but

          I did not want to become that person. This is when O.D.S. (Oppressive Depressive syndrome) seriously began to take its toll on me. I began to doubt what I really wanted from life. Cruel success or humble happiness?

                                                                                     

\\ in line with my above thoughts I  highly recommends reading this book- The Gift, by Cecilia Ahern.  

Le commencement

       So enough introductions about how pitiful the entire educational set up of India is. All-in-all, it is not student-friendly at all. We all know that and we all have spent hours debating over the topic, when in fact, they could be better utilized doing something fruitful.

                Till class 10, I was a happy kid and had an eerie unbeatable optimism. This was often remarked as one of my best qualities. However, it all changed during the course of the past two years. As a matter of fact, this quality of mine would come as a shock to many of those who knew me only for these two years. I have termed this as ‘O.D.S’ aka ‘Oppressive Depressive Syndrome’. This syndrome is atypical for all those kids encumbered with competitive exam preparations or any such impaling task.  It’s symptoms are confusion, loss of confidence, depression, self-pity, remorse and such. In extreme cases may even affect the physical health of many vigorous students.

So this is the story of the beginning of it all. Now, I had always been a diligent student. Even though I was not very passionate about IIT in particular but when I was put amidst a bunch of other highly competitive students, my natural tendency to do better than them arose, mixed with the initial enthusiasm of all the ‘new’ things happening in my life.

As any other kid, when the coaching started off I studied my-ass-off. And it bore fruitful results too. The topics that I studied are etched in my mind till date as none other. The concepts of those topics are also crystal clear in all three subjects-PCM. I would advise any student to make use of this initial gusto to the fullest. Because, it will die out sooner or later.

Whatever begins badly, ends badly(?)

I remember the first day of my coaching. As I mentioned already, I had joined a late batch, one that began in June. Not only did I join the batch late, but I was also two days late in attending the first class. Due to personal reasons, we were out of town and I missed the first two classes. And you can curse my luck too, because I was late for the third class that I did attend. Though, I must admit that I was guilty for the last one because one of my dear friends was leaving town and I had to attend her farewell partly. It was going to my last enjoyment in a long time. Yet, all I did was show my face at her party and then rush to my coaching. Where I was late. In short, I could neither enjoy the party nor have great day.

When I entered, there were several classrooms and each one in session. I had no clue which was mine. I figured that out somehow, and entered. Someone was teaching there and a class of very serious students was studying. A person was teaching them mathematics, who of course, now I know as my math’s sir. My initial and final impression of him was-scary, even though there is nothing frightening about him. I glanced at my batch-mates, and gave a very awkward introduction of myself and how I missed the first two classes. Sir looked at me skeptically, a bit annoyed for disturbing the class (maybe that’s why I find him scary) then told me to sit down. The benches were all occupied, and I searched for some vacancy. The fact that I had been disturbing the class was making the task urgent. Moreover, I was in party clothes and had embellished my nails with an exotic set of nail paints. Again, I could feel eyes watching me and judging me, thinking that I was some sort of fashion queen, who had joined the big coaching to waste her time and parents money. Maybe I was over thinking, maybe I was the one judging my peers-but the atmosphere of the class at that time made me feel that way-intended or not intended. Before I was a student or anything, I was a friend, and it meant a lot to me to say goodbye and I would never have missed her party for anything. Lost as I was in finding a vacant seat, when sir told me to sit beside someone. Unfortunately she was sitting right in front. Right under the nose of the teacher. 

Since teaching had commenced since the past two days, I could only understands the lecture in bits and pieces. Plus, most of my attention was on holding my pen in such a fashion that my nails did not show.

Soon the class ended. A couple of other students had also missed the initial class, so luckily, sir agreed to give us an extra class, however, warning us not to keep up the habit.

After the first class we got a fifteen minutes break. Then I gradually acquainted myself with the other kids. Co-incidentally, the girl sitting beside me had the same name as me. I asked a few kids for their notebook, but no one was ready to lend theirs. Not that my classmates were selfish or stingy as it might appear, but at that time no one knew each other and preferred to maintain distance.

The next class was physics, where we met our first physics sir. Frankly, he was not a bad teacher, according to me. It was just that he could not control the class. During his lecture, children would scream, shout, talk and despite his best efforts- no one would stop. It created confusion, making the students feel that he could not teach well. But if you ask me, who did pay attention, he was remarkable. Regardless, while attending the physics class it dawned upon me that the teaching could not continue like this.

Anyway, the class dismissed and my first day at the coaching ended. When I returned home the first thing I did was cut-off my long nails, and remove the paint. Then I tried to study but I could not understand much so I let it be. Despite having such a bad day, you can say, I was not dissuaded at all. Like I said, I had always been an optimistic kid. I knew that I was going to set things my way soon. I was going to work and study to my utter best.

I did not loose my optimism overnight. O.D.S. takes time to take its toll! This was just the beginning.